


the two faces of jason peter todd.

by altrdbnes



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics), Red Hood/Arsenal (Comics)
Genre: Bisexual Roy Harper, Caring Roy Harper, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Jason Todd Deserves Better, Jason Todd Feels, Jason Todd Has Issues, Jason Todd Swears, Jason Todd is Red Hood, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Roy Harper, Slow Burn, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, alcoholic Jason Todd, don't worry it ends really good, i've just gotta give you guys a headache first, minor donna/kyle
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:06:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27780475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/altrdbnes/pseuds/altrdbnes
Summary: Alcoholic. Vigilante.Friend. Enemy.Anger. Despair.Hate. Desperation.Effort. Shame.These are the two faces that Roy Harper is so used to seeing. These are the two faces that Roy Harper will have to protect.
Relationships: Roy Harper/Jason Todd
Kudos: 13





	the two faces of jason peter todd.

**Author's Note:**

> heyy guys! so i'm back at it with one of my fav ships, jayroy (also pls don't come into the comments with any joyfire stuff, i hate that ship sm)  
> this will be a story about alcoholic!jay (because i'm all for mending a broken boy in my writing) and roy harper being his clumsy guardian angel. there will be a whole lotta emotional roller coasters between these two, so this work will probably be a bit of a long one. i'm hoping it goes well, i've been so excited to start this!  
> ..since baby roy is fucking dead still, i hope this will make us all remember the good ole days from when he wasn't dead (:

The late night. The only time of day where smoking seemed like a fitting pass time. One drag, and then another, and another, before the throat became itchy and sore. No matter how stressed he was, Jason would never be able to get over that sting. Maybe as a teenager he could handle it, but not anymore; it wasn’t exactly his sin of choice. 

_But you know what is._ His eyes turned toward the refrigerator that sat in the corner of his kitchen, a sad sort of comfort running through his spine like a steady water stream. The habit was tiring to uphold, but in the best-and worst-ways, it was full of pure relief. There wasn’t anything else that seemed to dull the pain of living like Jack did, and until he could find something new, Jack was what he would stick with. 

There was a long sigh before Jason pushed himself up from his chair on the balcony and walked inside, steps muffled by the carpet. Underneath the rug that laid in front of his kitchen there were stains, stains from Roy Harper’s drunken nights spent laughing and spilling his beers before bursting into fits of giggles. It had only been a couple of weeks ago that Jason thought it might be a good idea to cover them up, if only to try and forget they were there. After all, he wasn’t much of a cleaner. The corners of his lips trembled as his scarred hand reached for the door of the refrigerator and opened it, face to face with an almost empty bottle of Jack Daniel’s 40 proof.

_God, that stuff is disgusting, Jason! Why don’t you just stick with Bud Lite?_

_Because Bud Lite isn’t strong enough, Roy. You should know what it feels like when the simple things aren’t enough to fuel your high. Right?_

_Sorry I brought it up._

_Good._

One sip down his throat before he walked back towards the balcony, stopping at the open doors for a chance to stare at the moon. It was full tonight, leaving a lavish, almost luxurious light over the city that he had once called home. With all of the bad memories he had experienced there, he felt more like a regular floater than a Gotham citizen, even if he did live there. Still, the moonlight was a pretty beautiful sight, especially on a night like this where anything, anything at all, would help to boost Jason’s mood. 

That was, until he looked below the skyline. 

Down below him on the streets, there were cops parked at every corner, either busting drug dealers or buying from them. The most recent strain of Joker Toxin had been cut off by none other than Harley Quinn (she didn’t want any more people “like her” running around, because she can’t handle even one of her, she claimed) so it wouldn’t be a shock if the drugs they were buying were run of the mill things: heroin, cocaine, the usual stuff that ran through the city. Nothing to worry about, for now. There were even people who were trying to run, gathering their few possessions to find an old building or park to sleep in for the night until they were ran off by the cops in the morning. It seemed all too familiar to Jason, to the recesses of his mind, back from a time where he’d rather have been dead than to see another day. It felt all too similar to how he felt _now_ , but there were a couple things that made his life worth living. Not many, but a few. 

One of those being Roy Harper. AKA, the friend that he had a _very_ complicated relationship with. Even Jason could admit that, and in his mind, everything was simplistic. 

Their friendship had gone through its challenges over the years, Roy’s addiction, partially, but most of it was the weight that came with missions, and not to mention Jason’s poor emotional processing. Sometimes hurting the ones he loved felt good to him, made him feel alive in the most human way possible, but the idea that other people don’t understand that concept rested uneasily in his mind. Roy was an honest person, sure, but he had tried so hard whenever he made a mistake to make it up to Jason. He would work endlessly to help him feel better, apologize, anything to receive Jason’s green light for a truce. But it never came, because Jason didn’t do apologies. Not real ones, anyways. If he felt forgiving then he would let it go, wouldn’t bring it up again, but Roy needed more reassurance than that. Jason knew this, but it didn’t matter. 

_But it needs to, doesn’t it?_

Another sip. 

His eyes fell from the moon and he closed the door to the balcony, making sure to lock it behind him. The door was loose, and if he didn’t lock it at night the wind would blow it open. With the door shut, he looked at the bottle hanging from his hand by only a couple fingers and threw it in the trash. Empty. It clanged as it hit another glass bottle that was in the can, and a hushed feeling of disgust rose up in stomach at the thought of how many bottles had gone through his trash can in the last three months. Surely more than anyone could keep track of. Way more than he could keep track of, but that’s why he had given up trying to. Instead, he just drank without caring about the amount. No, the shame came later, when he realized that he was capable of being so much more than an alcoholic, and that his resurrection had been wasted effort. He was capable of sobering up but the work that it would take seemed off his radar, especially with his day job being as strenuous as it was. In its own way, sobriety seemed so much harder than vigilantism. 

_Jason, you know I’ll help you, right? Anytime you ask, I’ll-_

_No, Roy! Stop fucking asking if I need help, I don’t._

_You know that’s a lie. We both do. Stop acting like you can do this on your own._

_Maybe you couldn’t, but I can. I always have._

Before he could make the slow walk back to his bathroom, the door behind him burst open with a loud gust of wind and a crack. The alcohol seemed to fall away as his blood began to pulse in his arms, tensing as he grabbed a knife held under the counter by a holster and turned around, ready for a fight. Nobody knew where he lived except for Roy and the family, so if somebody had found him, there were new challenges that awaited him. But it wasn’t a threat he faced, like he expected. It was Roy Harper, crouching in front of where the door had been, his hands blocking his face from the smoke that rose in front of him. Jason scanned for what he had used to break his door, and upon looking at the door, there were fragments of one of his smoke bombs molded into the wood. 

“Sorry Jay, I didn’t even think it would work. Just thought I’d try it out.” As he stood up there was an obvious fear in his movements, fear that Jason would lash out at him and maybe even hurt him, but Jason didn’t feel any anger. More or less, he felt relieved. Relieved that Roy had showed up when he did and that he wouldn’t have to spend the next couple of hours alone. If he had, it wouldn’t have ended with anything good happening, and Jason couldn’t help but feel that Roy knew that in a way. 

He’s just like that, Roy. He always knows what’s going on with Jason. He’s _been_ there, but Jason insists that it isn’t the same. Roy has more of a heart, more care for others than Jason has ever been able to hold, and that's why he was addicted. Not because he was careless, or needed a new bad habit, but because it made him feel something. It made him tune into the emotions that he had never explored, and even though it was horrifying most of the time, isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? Tune into your emotions so that you can connect with other people? But it didn’t feel right, whenever he began to feel something even slightly better than what he was used to, he shut down. It was easier to brush it aside than face it, and besides, that would change him down to the core. 

Jason tucked the knife back into its holster and let out a long sigh, exaggerated just a little for emphasis. This wasn’t exactly the night he had in mind, but it might be nice to have company while he gets sobered up. He wasn’t exactly drunk, but he wasn’t sober either, and Roy could be quite entertaining when he wanted to be. He turned to Roy, his vision lagging for a second behind his head, and smiled halfheartedly, trying in some way to let him know that he wasn’t angry. That would come in the morning, when he was sober and thinking about the cost of a new door. “It’s fine, Roy. But can you knock next time instead? I was awake, not doing shit, per the usual.” 

As Roy stepped closer to him and gazed around, Jason could feel the alcohol beginning to settle into his system. Mostly in his body, his vision slightly blurry and his head feeling hollow, but more noticeably in the places his eyes began to wander. His eyes traced every curve in Roy’s lips slowly, the twitch that they suffered from when Roy noticed only stirred up the butterflies in his stomach. He wasn’t much for love, but what he felt for that idiot was different than anything else he had ever felt before, and that had to speak for something. 

Per usual, Roy was the one who snapped him back to attention, “Wow, this place is cleaner than I thought it’d be. Did Brother Dick give you the lecture on cleanliness, too?” The smile that graced his lips seemed to clear up the fogginess filling Jason’s mind, that much he could say, but now that he had exerted drunken energy on the home invader he was almost wiped out. The clock on the wall was an hour behind, but it said 3:44 AM. _So, 4:44 AM, huh?_ _Almost your new record, Todd. Congrats._ He tried for a smile, but only came with a sideways frown, “Yeah, something like that. But you definitely needed that lecture more than I do, you’re horrible to live with, Harper,” Jason smirked at Roy’s try for a grimace, but by the time he was done pouting he had pulled a Bud Lite out of the drawer in the refrigerator. 

“Wait, when the hell did you put a Bud Lite in my refrigerator? You know I hate that stuff.” His bare feet padded into the kitchen, his vision turning black with the speed of turning his body, and he faltered in his tracks. Roy sat the beer down on the counter and rushed to his side, but he could hardly notice his touch. _Maybe I’m more buzzed than I thought._

The left side of his body felt as if it would fall off of him, and his right hand instinctively grabbed his left. The dimness of his apartment only made his vision darker, until he glanced through the open doorway to see the moon, brighter than he had ever seen it, and it pierced his eyes through. Beside him, he could hear Roy’s muffled voice trying to bring him back to reality, to ground him in any way he could, but Jason was lost in the night. Everything started to slip away before… before… 

_Jason and Roy walked through the doors of Roy’s hideout, nearly beaten to death but high off of adrenaline, nonetheless. The blood that coursed through their veins was strained and tired, but they couldn’t have felt better._

_During the course of a three day, life or death drug bust, Jason had kept Roy from dying on four different occasions: all of them were preventable. Not that it mattered much now; they were both home, for now at least, and before they were called to another mission they both needed to rest up. If he was going to get more bullet holes in his body, he needed to be well rested and healed._

_“Hey Jay, can you wrap my shoulder? The knife wound is pretty nasty, I don’t feel like moving it much,” Roy called, his voice firm and… what was it? There was something else in his voice, but Jason didn’t think too much about it. What he did think about was the fact that he had seen Roy get much worse wounds than this one and wrap them himself, he didn’t need Jason’s help. Jason turned to him and had his words cut off for a moment, his heart stopping at the sight of Roy’s bare torso, covered in fresh bruises and cuts. His pale skin was littered with them, the same as Jason’s, and each one of them had a wild story behind it._

_He isn’t doing this on purpose, is he? Is he just being a dumbass again?_

Only one way to find out _. A brush of courage and Jason was nodding, pulling off his gear and then his shirt to reveal his own scarred skin, glistening with a sheer layer of sweat that almost resembled a shine. He could hear a small gasp from Roy before he snapped his head in the other direction and tossed the bandages over his shoulder, trying to act like Jason hadn’t disturbed him in the least. It wasn’t that he was shirtless, because they had seen each other almost naked multiple times after missions when they had to stitch themselves, it was the implication that lay beneath it. Roy had felt closer to Jason than ever before, and even if he didn’t want to admit it, Jason was sure that he never wanted to let this feeling go. This feeling of care and loyalty passed the levels he had ever felt before, and maybe it was the adrenaline speaking for him, but he wanted to_ show _Roy just how much he cared for him._

 _“Alright Harper, think you can handle a little sting?” Jason lifted up the man’s right arm a little too fast and Roy let out a loud hiss, biting his lip so he wouldn’t curse. A twisted smile graced his face as he began to wrap Roy’s arm, slowly, on every turn making sure to slide his fingertips across his shoulders. Goosebumps ran down Roy’s spine as he shook his head and kept looking away, this time on purpose: he didn’t want Jason to see his facade crumble, even if it was a weak one. This was turning into a game of cat and mouse for them both, and that wasn’t what Jason wanted in the slightest. No, he wanted Roy._ All _of Roy._

_It only took a few minutes before his arm was completely wrapped but they sat there in hesitant silence for what seemed like hours. Neither of them dared to make the first move, neither of them wanted to leave. Roy released a shaky breath before turning his head to Jason, whose eyes sparkled in the dusk moonlight that shone through the windows, “Jay, I-”_

_“I know, Roy,” was all Jason could mutter before crashing his lips against Roy’s and pressing a hand around the back of his neck, squeezing it as he took in the taste of salt and blood._ _He knew his lips felt rough because of the cut there, but fuck it, he needed this. Roy moaned into his mouth and turned himself around to face Jason, throwing him back into the couch before leaning down to kiss him again. His hands had found their way to Jason’s pants and were fumbling with the zipper there before Jason pulled back with a trick grin on his face, “Eager, huh? We’ve waited this long, why not a little longer? Besides, I love the look on your face when you get needy for something and can’t have it.”_

 _Roy didn’t seem to care, he only nodded and latched onto Jason’s neck with tongue and teeth. Every one of his nerves were on fire, he had never felt something so amazing in his life, and he never wanted to let this go. Even though they were teammates this felt like something that could_ work _. He let out a low growl as Roy bit down on the space between his neck and shoulder, just where he knew Jason loved it, before he was being flipped onto his back with his hands pinned above his head. Roy’s eyes shone with lust and need as he looked up at his partner, “Jason,_ please _, I need you.”_

_“Maybe another time Roy. Right now, I just want to mark every single inch of your skin.”_

  
  


They hadn’t ever had another night like that one. And this wasn’t anyone else’s fault but his own: Jason had chosen to walk the path with his demons, and so now he had to live with it until he was strong enough to pull himself out. Easier said than done, when addiction was the only thing that seemed to keep him sane enough to wake up in the mornings. 

He knew that was the issue, but what’s the point in fixing it if he wasn’t sure if he would cave in or not? 

Jason rubbed his eyes and looked around for Roy, who had laid down on the bed behind them. From the looks of it he was asleep, and Jason wasn’t far behind him. He was halfway to the bed before he remembered a drunk Roy rambling on about how he hated the smell of people when they had been drinking, and so he shuffled into the bathroom instead. Taking a shower might help to sober him up, maybe help him fall asleep like he desperately needed. Why Roy had been awake at this hour he wasn’t really sure, and why he had come here was beyond Jason’s capacity for the time being. 

Stripping down to the skin, Jason turned on the water as hot as it could go before stepping in. The water stung his skin before trailing down, down his back and onto his legs before falling into the drain. The process was simple but it mesmerized Jason’s tired mind nonetheless. 

It wasn’t long before he had washed his hair and body, grazing his forearms with his fingertips and staring blankly at the floor. Nothing passed through his mind and nothing disturbed him, not even the water that was now freezing cold. He didn’t feel like getting out, nor did he feel like going to bed, he only wanted to sit inside the shower and feel nothing. 

**Author's Note:**

> i worry that the pacing of this was a bit off towards the end, but i still feel like it was a decent enough ending to work out.. i'm hoping to have the next chapter up sometime next week! and i hope you all liked it. comments are greatly appreciated (: also! i'll be alternating the chapters every once in a while between jason's pov and roy's, since both of them have a really important role in this story, and to see how these situations affect both of them, just thought i'd note that for in the future


End file.
